Attachment
Attachment-based therapy is a lens that can be applied to clients of all ages since it centres on connection and validation. It is an approach that focuses on thoughts, feelings, behaviours, messages, and interpersonal exchanges that you have experienced and learned from at various points in your life. These learned behaviours or messages often were created as a means of protection from pain or discomfort, and eventually those feelings and/or behaviours manifest externally as avoidance and suppression, or overemphasis and amplification. Over time, this can form habitual responses in how you show up in relationship with others.
From childhood we form an attachment style based on how our parents connected with us, but there may have also been messages that our developing brains misinterpreted (through no fault of our own or our parents’). That attachment style can then dictate how we relate to others and cause strife in our relationships since we did not learn how to securely connect with others.
Attachment work looks different for every person. Sometimes it is used in conjunction with other therapeutic techniques or approaches, and sometimes it is the sole focus of therapy. This work can be incredibly challenging and draining. It’s vulnerable and requires trust in your therapist to explore the ambiguous together. Connection is at the heart of attachment work. Whether working with children, youth, parents, or adults, therapy is grounded in co-regulating and connecting in order to restructure attachment styles to be more secure.
Attachment-based therapy often incorporates somatic practices, polyvagal theory, and internal family systems work. Sometimes it is hard to articulate your past and present experiences with words, so instead the focus shifts to the sensations present in your body. A large part of connection and validation is listening to your body. Often attachment work includes exploring the unknown, which can be more easily navigated by focusing on sensations. The goal of attachment-based therapy is to first uncover and explore what messages you received, learned, or misinterpreted, then further understand how those messages have been woven into your current perception of yourself and others in relationship. From there, therapists work with you to heal the hurts and gently remove the protective armor that is no longer serving you.
